There have been many moments or even days when I think a lot about my parents, or even just my mother or my father. This week I've thought a lot about my father- how he raised me, what specific lessons I learned just from him, favorite memories with him, funny things he's done that still make me laugh even when just thinking about them, etc. It made me think of a speech made by a character in a movie called "Courageous"- which I encourage everyone to go watch- where a police officer along with a few of his fellow colleagues/friends who are all fathers decide to make and sign a Resolution that challenged them to be better fathers in their own ways. This movie always makes me cry because it makes me so so incredibly grateful for my own dad. He's certainly not a perfect man but he sure does try to be a great man every day.
All of the research that I've seen/heard about regarding the influence of a father is only further proof that, like the video says, "a child desperately needs a daddy." I know I certainly need my Daddy; I truly believe my life would be SO much different if my dad were not around. I sometimes allow myself to think about what it would be like to be without something or how my life would be affected if a certain thing or person in my life were different- 'What would I be doing with my life if I wasn't going to BYU-Idaho?' 'What would my life be like if I wasn't a "Mormon"?' 'Would my family be any different if I wasn't a part of it?' 'Would my parents still be married if they weren't members of the Church? Would they have even gotten to 8 kids or would they have stopped sooner?' I don't mean to be dark or depressing or anything, but I promise I never dwell on those questions for too long. This week's discussions on dads has made me think about how I would be different if my dad weren't around. I certainly wouldn't have had the job I did during the winter semester because my dad works there, and I wouldn't know much about the band Chicago if I didn't have a dad who sang the same 2 songs from them. I can still hear him screeching to reach those high notes as he tried to sing, "Hooold me no-OW! I really wanna tell you I'm sorry." 😂😆 More importantly, I don't know if I would be as sensitive to people or their emotions, I would be an even worse spender with my money, I wouldn't know as much about the scriptures or the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, and I wouldn't have any Priesthood blessings to think about or receive. It's difficult to conclude or quantify how many things or what specific things would be different about my life if my dear old man wasn't around. But I'm sure glad he is:)
I'll share a few of my favorite things about my dad other than the few things I've already mentioned:
I've noticed throughout my life but especially as a teenager and young adult that my dad absolutely adores my mother. He expresses it in words to everyone, but he shows it in how he looks at her when she smiles, how the first person he wants to see and hug is his wife, and they share a lot of physical affection; every day when he comes home from work they always share a kiss or two to greet each other, and they kiss again right after a blessing on dinner's been offered. Then when the day is done they make sure to pray together, kneeling side by side on someone's side of the bed, and they alternate who says the prayer before they each say their own individual prayers and share a kiss in between prayers. They hold hands all the time no matter where we are, like they just have to be literally connected if they're near each other. Dad's said multiple times that he loves the idea of spending time with Mom for an entire day just doing whatever they want; they began their relationship with a lot of 'hanging out' (I guess that's the best way to put it in modern-ish terms) and had a super solid friendship before even thinking about being serious. Mom & Dad were basically high school sweethearts who first met officially in- you're gonna love this- typewriting class. Mom thought he was so popular and "just the cutest thing" and Dad thought she was so classy and beautiful but also mature enough to make him believe that she was a year above him in school- "and I was not about to ask out a Senior when I was just a Junior! It was unthinkable!" Luckily some mutual friends set up a date for them and it just took off from there. I love that my dad is so willing to express why he loves my mother and he has so much respect for her; he never raises his voice with her and never seems to be angry with her. I've asked them a few times if they've ever had a fight and what it was about (I've asked multiple times because it's still somewhat hard for me to believe to this day), and they say they've never had a fight. They've certainly had disagreements, but any conversation that turned slightly heated was quickly cooled down and deflated so both of them had clear heads. My dad explained it like this: "Anytime anyone gets in a fight- doesn't matter if it's friends or lovers or family- someone's being selfish. Every single fight anyone in the world has ever had started because either one or both parties were selfish. Mom & I agreed a long time ago that our marriage was not going to include or involve any selfishness, that our relationship had no room for that. We promised each other across an altar that Christ was the center of our relationship and would continue to be. We've learned to compromise and agree quickly because neither of us wants to be selfish. I love her too much to let that happen on my end." I so admire the way my father loves my mother because it's proved to be an example for me of what to expect out of a future husband.
One last thing I love about my dad is that he's a very sensitive person; I can honestly say he is the most gentle man I know. He may get aggressive about football-especially BYU- but when it comes to knowing how to make other people around him feel comfortable and understood, he's always seemed an expert to me. To be honest, I've considered much of my relationship with my father pretty formal because for most of my life I've only felt comfortable talking about a few things with him- mostly gospel related. I know he's a very smart man and I can go to him for any academic or business questions, but I've found it hard to relate to him; he grew up on a farm and had a job since he was 10 or maybe 13, and up until recently I've never held a job for longer than 3 months because we were moving around all the time. He loves math and science (he's a CFO so he really likes his numbers), I like English and history (although before he graduated high school he really wanted to be a history teacher). He understands business, I don't. I love spending money, he's cheap. I'm willing to live in the moment and not care about logistics or reasons for everything, and he's one of the biggest pragmatists I've ever known. But despite our differences, I've learned that he really does care about me and wants to understand me as much as I want to understand him. My relationship with my dad has actually improved drastically over the past year because I got to spend a lot more time with him when I worked at the same company he works at for a few months; we commuted to and from the office together and I finally saw what he does and what kind of a person he is when he's outside the house (and outside a church building... or a golf course). Dad has learned how to be a really good listener; he's good at trying to understand things, but he's grown a lot in learning how to ask different kinds of questions to go along with his other means of understanding for clarification. He wasn't afraid to discipline verbally, but he also made sure we still felt like he loved us and wanted the best for us and he was quick to explain his logic and reasoning for things, mostly about how he has high expectations for his kids because he wants the best for us- "I expect your best so you can have the best." More than anything, besides the protecting and providing parts that he does so well (and frankly I think most fathers do well), I love my father because he presides over our family; he presides spiritually to make sure that our home had the Spirit there, that the language we used and the things we watched or listened to were uplifting and brought us all together, he was present in our different extracurricular activities and he wanted to be aware of what each of his children were going through. I don't know if my Daddy will ever read this, but that's ok. I'm just glad I got a chance to tell y'all about him and why I love him:) So here's to Dean- Mean Dean the dancing machine, Mr. Dean, Deanster, Dad. Watashi wa, anata o aishiteimasu Otōsan.
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