I've always been a sucker for old music, and one of my favorites by good ol' Frank Sinatra is "Love and Marriage". The song seems to present a simple message that, coming from a "Leave it to Beaver" kind of home, makes perfect sense to me (like the song says, "Ask the local gentry, and they'll say it's elementary"). Sinatra sings about how "love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage... Try to separate them, [and] it's an illusion." The main message I've always gotten from this song, along with others like it, is that love should lead to marriage and that marriage should always possess a great deal of love within the relationship.
Well, I'm not married yet (and far from it), but from what I've observed and heard and studied about love, marriage doesn't always feel like a classic Frank Sinatra song; sometimes you really love each other and wonder how you could ever spend another second apart from your adoring spouse, and sometimes it feels like you can't get enough time away from your now annoying spouse. It's no surprise that marriages are like this, I feel the same way about my best friends, roommates and even other family members. The thing about relationships is that none of them are perfect; they're full of ups and downs, good days and bad days, moments when you can't get enough of someone and moments you wish they'd go away or stop bothering you or even read your mind to see what's really going on in your head and heart. There is love within all of our relationships, just different kinds. And marriage is another kind of relationship with yet another kind of love- ideally the ultimate romantic kind of love.
This week in class we talked about preparing for marriage- what goes into planning the wedding, what to expect and what to adjust to, and there are more things to think about than I originally thought! I thought I knew everything there was to adjust to because, as the youngest child in my family and only remaining single kid, I thought I'd basically seen it all. I'll never forget when one of my six sisters told me about how uncomfortable it was to go to the bathroom in front of her husband- "We were ok with peeing in front of each other, but pooping in front of each other took like a whole year." ???????????????????? In my teenage mind I was thinking "Why are you telling me this??!?" But I can see her point; there are a LOT of little things you have to adjust to that you may never have even thoughts were something that would be a topic of conversation or debate! While discussing all of those possible things to get used to with your spouse, I felt more motivated to make sure whoever I'm thinking about marrying is someone who I've dated for all four seasons (as my mother so wisely advised); I want to make sure I'm already aware of at least most of my future husband's habits before I marry him- how much money he's willing to spend on fun things versus practical things like groceries, how much time does he take for homework during the day and what kind of a work ethic does he have, is he clean and tidy with his food and belongings, if for some odd reason I ever see him take a nap does he snore or take up all the sheets, how easy is it for us to communicate and how quickly can we resolve things, does he need a lot of time to cool down before discussing something that's bothering him, does he turn up his car music or TV show a little too loud or soft for my liking, does he set multiple alarms because it takes a while to wake up or can he wake up after just the first one, is he a light or heavy sleeper, how does he feel about people coming over to his house, how much of a people-person or how social is he, etc. I wanna be sure I'm not too surprised at what I see (or hear or smell) after I say "I do".
One thing I've been thinking a lot about this week from our class discussions is weddings, especially my own. I'll admit, I do have a Pinterest board dedicated to "Wedding Ideas?" filled with decor, reception venues, proposal fantasy ideas, honeymoon ideas, engagement rings, the whole hullabaloo. I still remember when I started that board- I was visiting my sister in Alaska when she was about to have her baby, and I was so bored that I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon with other girls my age and start thinking about my future wedding. I've added little bits to it here and there in the past, but now it's one of my bigger boards just because of this week 😀 In class, our teacher brought up an interesting fun fact he heard: the more expensive the engagement ring, the less likely the marriage will last long-term. I'm not completely sure where my opinion stands on that, but I can kinda see where the guy's coming from; if there's a ginormous ring dangling on the bride's finger, then there's probably going to be some suspicion about how materialistic she may be- is she high maintenance or even a gold digger? Maybe that's just me ;)
Whelp, as far as weddings go I may have some fun ideas as to what I'd like, but whenever I think about my own future wedding, I remember the last time one of my siblings got married: my brother Tim was about to be sealed in the Payson, Utah temple with his sweetheart the next day, and my sisters were talking about their weddings and how they felt on their 'wedding eves', and suddenly after comparing and contrasting each other's receptions and all the stress and planning that went into it, they all looked at me and said, "Sarah, don't even plan a wedding, it's so not worth it. Just take the money and RUN! Go off and thank everyone for wishing you well later." I can see some truth in that, but we'll see whether or not I heed their advice ;)
As fun as thinking about a wedding is and planning a reception and wondering how I'll decorate all the mason jars, I was glad to have another good reminder this week of the difference between the marriage and the wedding, and to remember to place the importance on the marriage. The whole celebration is about two people who've decided to love and cherish each other for forever, and as scary as that kind of commitment can be, it is still a reason to celebrate and rejoice in because love is all about commitment and loyalty and faith in each other. I'm excited to build my classic Frank Sinatra kind of relationship with my future sweetheart, cuz I don't wanna have love without marriage or a marriage without love :)
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